Things All Women Should Do

Things All Women Should Do

I know I'm getting a little presumptuous with the title here. You're probably thinking, "All women? Really? ALL women? Sam, seriously, ALL WOMEN?!"

Yeah, I'm saying it, and actually I think I'll throw men in this loop as well.

I'm not going to pretend like I know the key to happiness, or argue that buying a new shade of lipstick will suddenly make you feel confident or whatever, but I think there's a few feel good indulgences that have a deeper value.

And I think indulgences once in awhile is something that should be savored, something enjoyed deeply. I think it's easy to get lost in the day to day monotony of working or being a full time mom or even just the daily grind of netflix and chillin. (The cool kids still say that right? Am I officially too old to say shit like that?)

Roger and I were talking yesterday about moms in particular. I routinely have moms coming into the salon and looking (and I'm sorry for using this word, like really really sorry) haggard. They take care of their kids 100% of the time and rarely take the time to do anything for themselves. Often, they sit in the salon chair asking for the "usual" haircut with no blowdry because they have to go grocery shopping, take Johnny to summer camp or whatever, and then STILL have to make dinner for the family in the next hour.

And considering where Roger and I are at in our lives, kids and starting a family isn't some far off in the idea future. And like any woman with a drive for kids and a sense of worry- I read a TON of articles about kids, being a mom, and generally anything that gives me a vague idea on what's to come in the next few years. (I should note here, I'm not pregnant. I won't be for a few years, God willing. Don't get your panties in a bunch guys. I'm still holding out here on the kids thing.)

But I did read once article which really serves at the inspiration for this post and the whole thing was about going to the movie theater by yourself.

That's right. The advice given in the article was to hand over your kids to Grandma and go to the movies by yourself. 

And I FULLY agree with this idea. I don't have kids and routinely do this anyway. I think it's important, I think it's necessary. I know it sounds so simple- like, put your shit in the car and go to the movies, but it's so much more than that. 

And that's what we're gonna talk about.

This is my list (and reasons) for things all women should do for themselves, and often.

1. Go to the movies BY YOURSELF.

Not with your kids. Not with your man, or lady. Not with your mother, brother, sister, friend, etc. BY YOURSELF.

And I know what you're thinking, because I thought it too. "It's not safe."

You know what? It totally is. The worst thing that could happen to you going to a 2pm showing of Sherlock Holmes 7 is an earthquake. Maybe a car wreck. Maybe. (My movie theater is about 5 minutes away so the odds are a little slim on that one).

The first time I went to a movie by myself was strangely terrifying. I am a nervous person by definition. I rarely do things spontaneously. Sometimes getting in the car just to drive to the next town over for an errand leaves me in a panic. 

So that day I just really wanted to see this movie. No one would go with me, Roger didn't want to see it, everyone else wasn't interested but I really, really wanted to see it. It was one of the last few days it was playing and I just had to do it.

I bought myself popcorn and whatever candy I felt like, I popped into the theater to find it completely empty. (Because who goes to see a movie at 2pm? NO ONE EXCEPT ME APPARENTLY).

At first it was sort of lonely, but then I realized I could do whatever I wanted. I put my feet up on the chair in front of me, I played games on my phone, I took SHAMELESS selfies. I was liberating. It was like the first time being home alone without my parents. Terrifying, but then really fun. 

Going to the movies by yourself is great. It's a fun indulgence, it's a fun 2 hours to yourself. You are a strong, independent woman (or man? I still don't know who reads this)  when you leave that theater. And you know what? It's nice having no one with you. You don't have kids screaming, your boyfriend isn't talking non-stop through the previews THAT QUITE FRANKLY YOU WANNA SEE, and you got to see something funny and smart that sort of makes you feel like a better person. (For reference, my first movie alone was August: Osage County and it was amazing and do yourself a favor and see it because Meryl Streep is a fucking nation treasure. And if you are a southern woman with any family history of drug/alcohol abuse, it will resonate with you.)

2. Going to the hairdresser, by yourself, with no schedule afterwords.

Notice a pattern with these yet? It's about being a free woman, by yourself.

Like I said, my salon is filled with moms. Every person, aside from me, that works there has kids and about 99% of the people who come in have kids. They have schedules and things to do, and errands, and whatever.

And realistically finding a day you can set aside for yourself as a mom can be a fucking miracle, but I think it's completely and absolutely necessary. 

Because here's the dirty secret I think a lot of people don't want to talk about. Your child, your beautiful blessed miracle, the thing you so deeply care about- there will come a time when you hate them. 

There will come a day when you eat a candy bar in the closet because you don't want to share. There will come a day when they go to bed and you just sit there drinking your wine wondering why life is like this. And you know what?

That is ok. 

From this adult child, I am telling you- I know we kids can be assholes. We run your lives and take away your youth and I GET that. That's why it's so important to take a day for yourself and keep your sanity and frankly- let your kids see how important you are to them. Being away teaches them A) independence B) the world didn't explode without you there C) that you're kind of the linch pin in the whole family operation.

And again speaking as a kid, I don't think any kid in the entire world would think ill of you for wanting a salon day for yourself. No kid is gonna be like, "You know what Mom/Dad, you didn't earn that day off at all. Not even a little bit." And I'm PRETTY SURE your husband/wife would say the same thing. And if they didn't, your kids and spouse are assholes.

Sorry, not sorry.

You work very hard as a parent and some days you want a date night, or time to yourself.

The salon is kind of perfect for that. It's a place away from home, you're with friends (most of the time we have food and drinks laying around too), and you can come out feeling like a brand new person. I'm not saying to do a big change, you can totally come in and get the "usual" but treat yourself to the blow dry. Hell, get your nails done too. Spend the day with me in the salon, I will treat you to a scalp massage. (Small salon secret, if you mention you are a mom and you are in my chair- you're getting a scalp massage in the sink. You fucking earned it. You're a saint in my eyes.)

So figure this, you should get your hair done every 6-8 weeks. So every month and a half, ditch your kids with Grandma, and go to the salon. Spend the day getting your haircut, and fancy nails, and then afterword do something you'd never get to do. Buy yourself a cute bra, go to the movies, look at art, I don't know. Do something fun, frivolous. Live a whole day without a schedule. You'd be amazed how nice it feels window shopping at your leasure.

3. That thing you tried on that you'll probably only wear once but it makes you feel sexy/amazing/cool, buy it. 

Within reason, guys. Don't go for the $500 bag here.

Sometimes that cute bra at Victoria's Secret catches your eye and you're like. "Well, I'll try it on just to see."

And when you put it on it's like the lights shined down from heaven and it turns out not only do you look good in a neon green lace bralette, but those weird bondage type straps hit you in all the right places and you look like one of those cool kids who hang out on the beach and play bongos or some shit.

You know how often you'll probably wear that neon green lace bralette with the bondage straps? Probably like once or twice a month- TOPS. And you'd probably should be getting the same beige t-shirt bra you always get and frankly need cause for some reason your dog is really into chewing off bra straps lately. 

But you know what? You feel so damn cool in that thing. Sexy even. You get a glow about you and suddenly understand the whole Victoria's Secret concept. Because you know what? You do have a secret. Under that dirty, faded black tee from Target you've had for 10 years, you have an electric green bra on AND NO ONE KNOWS HOW BITCHIN' YOU LOOK UNDER THERE. Your boobs are in the right place for once and you have sexy straps that NO ONE WILL SEE, and it makes you feel so cool and confident and your shoulders finally aren't slumping for once. 

Sometimes, buying that neon green bra does things for you that nothing else can do. That $45 monstrosity of a bra can give you that little boost in the morning.

And God help you if you get the matching underwear because know every time you wear the matching set, you're like a giant confidence induced monster that everyone has to deal with because it feels like you've got your shit together and you're on top of the world. 

CAN YOU TELL I ENDED UP BUYING THE BRA?

4. Take a day off and do nothing.

This is mostly for the people who, like me, work almost every day of the week. This is for you 2 jobbers. I feel your pain and it sucks.

My week usually looks like this:

Monday: Day off.

Tuesday: Country Club (and maybe salon after)

Wednesday/Thursday: Salon

Friday: Salon (maybe country club after)

Saturday: Salon

Sunday: Country Club

My country club shifts btw are usually 8 hours and start at 6:30am.

The salon, my hours vary but for the most part it's 10-5, but sometimes I get out of there around 7 or 8.

So evenings are my precious time of cleaning and keeping my house from falling apart. (Dogs do things to houses yo'd never expect. Like, have you looked at your baseboards lately? I bet they're covered in hair like mine. I have dog hair tumble weeds in my hallways. It's insane. And if you think poodles don't shed, you are lying to yourself.)

Mondays have become my day offs. Half of the time though, they aren't. Either I'm an idiot and take a salon day (why do I do this to myself) or I have to do errands and meetings and projects and I never take the time for myself.

So when I have a day off, I try to take advantage of it. 

For me, Mondays are sort of this unspoken rule that I am not cleaning. I am not taking phone calls (within reason, like, there are emergencies, I'm sure). I am not getting out of my pajamas or leaving the house or putting on makeup. Mondays are for netflix.

YOU HEARD ME RIGHT.

Mondays are the time when I catch up on my favorite shows. Half the time, Roger puts on shows in the weekdays, I fall asleep. I'm so damn tired, you guys. 9pm is when I fall asleep half of the time because I can't stay awake. When I get home from work, I'm completely useless. I am. I'm the worst. The minute pajamas touch my body, I am laying down and zonked out.  

So on Sunday after work, I go to the grocery store and load up on foods I like and get anything else I need because Monday- I am going no where.

I lay on the bed and watch tv. I go to the couch and watch more tv. I sit at the computer and surf the web for awhile. And then I follow that rotation, with food and bathroom time sprinkled in there. (And honestly, half the time I eat it's microwave burritos and hot pockets.)

But I need that time. I need to decompress. I need to have a day without stress because otherwise it would eat me alive. And I've noticed when I keep a work schedule like that- I'm more likely to get sick or end up with migraines. It's like my body is saying, "Alright, since you can't be trusted to take care of us, we're going to shut you down."

Already in the last 2-3 months, I've had a series of different sinus infections and colds. Obviously, I can't be in charge. My body had to shut me down and tell me to take the time off.

I know it sounds counter productive, but take the day off and do nothing. Just be a lazy bum. I still have a hard time not doing ANYTHING on Mondays (which is why I write posts or do laundry or something) but at least it's not physically or mentally taxing.

5. Do something you're really proud of, even if it's something dumb.

If you're an artist, you'll get me on this one.

Do something for you that's not productive or didn't make you money. You need to do a labor of love project. You need to paint that vase, crochet that hat, sew that blanket for no other reason than you felt like it.

Everyone needs a way to blow off creative steam.

I make jewelry, if you didn't know that already. I make a lot of stuff to sell, or give as gifts but I rarely make stuff because I thought it was "fun" or "cool" or just cause I wanted to see if I could do it. 

Sometimes to keep the passion up in your work, you gotta do a passion project. That thing you'll probably never sell, or that thing that will never see the light of day or have it's moment on Instagram. You just need to do something.

If you want to start working out, don't put it on Instagram. If you're painting something, don't put it on Facebook.

This needs to be one of those things that's you're stupidly proud of, and don't let anyone else see it and give you advice on it, or give you any critique or praise.

You need to self-praise and you can't let anyone sway your opinion on that thing you're doing/making. 

This need to be the bubble you can't let anyone else pop. You need that confidence. You need that voice inside you telling you how crazy amazing this is. Sometimes you just need something to remind you how special and amazing you are.

I have a few pieces like that. I have a few pieces of jewelry and a couple sets of colors or hairstyles that I purposely didn't take pictures of. It's just something I can mentally think about or see in my jewelry box and remind myself that I am really talented.

I realize this sounds super conceited, but have you ever realized how often you're critiqued? Like really? I work in an industry where you are constantly judged by the way you present yourself. And my job is tough in the way that my art is immediately judged by the person wearing it. It's not like I make something, drop it off and then never hear about it again. I'm being watched and judged AS I'm doing it. And my other job is the same- every drink I made it immediately tasted and judged. 

As workers, we are constantly under judgement. And it was be hard to hold confidence under that scrutiny. 

I think it's important we do a self involved project, and feel self involved about it. It can be a really good thing to have something for yourself that really validates you as a person.

I like creating because it validates that I'm am artist, and that I can be really good at it. 

Working out makes me feel healthier and better about my body and I don't need other people to notice I've lost weight because I know the work I've put in.

I don't want or need validation from outside sources and you shouldn't either.

And don't talk yourself out of it just because it's something "dumb". Who cares if your talent is making grilled cheese because you know what- you make the best fucking grilled cheese sandwich in your entire family and no one can take that away from you. You are a grilled cheese queen and you should honor yourself like one. (Note: Can someone make me a grilled cheese queen hat? Because I would wear the shit of that.)

I guess the takeaway of this list is- do whatever you want, take time for yourself, even if it's dumb.

Also, go to the movies more often.

-SamanthaK