The Wedding Series: Finding the Dress (part 1)

The Wedding Series: Finding the Dress (part 1)

I'm not even going to lie, I am so scared to write about finding the dress because I know this is the part where you guys begin to polarize. I also have a sneaky feeling everything I hate is everything you guys as readers like.

SO ALLOW ME TO TROLL YOU FOR A MINUTE.

Let's start with the same advice I gave you guys in the beginning post:

Go on your pinterest and look around at wedding dresses and begin to pin whatever you find attractive. My advice, pin whatever floats your boat. Doesn't matter if you only like the top, bottom, lace, buttons, whatever- just pin it.

My second piece of advice I think is what's going to make you guys sort of confused.

Don't narrow anything down, instead- go to a dress store and try things on.

Yeah, I know. The best plan of action for wedding dresses is normally going in with a game plan but instead, I offer you this:

Wedding dresses are not like normal dresses. You might have the body for anything and yet put on that empire waited dress and find that it actually makes you look pregnant. You might think you're too straight up and down to pull off a sexy dress and then put on a corseted dress and find you love your (temporary) hourglass figure.

Wedding dresses are a little strange. Sometimes it's the dress you didn't want that ends up blowing you away. 

And let me also give you the pep-talk:

You are a beautiful woman (or man, I'm not here to tell you how to live your life). You have someone who loves you SO MUCH as you are, that they want to wake up every day to the person you are right now- size 22 or not. That person probably couldn't care less that your left boob is slightly smaller than the other, that your waist isn't 29 inches, or that when you walk your thighs rub against each other like they couldn't possibly be separated.

The reason wedding dress shopping can be really frustrating is that we have an image of our bodies that is mostly negative and we're trying on a dress that's not only a representation of who we are as people right now in this stage in our lives, but everyone is going to be staring at you in that dress and will see pictures of you in that dress for many, many years.

It can be a daunting task, and we already make it hard on ourselves for not appreciating what our bodies look like.

Please, please, please, don't get hung up on sizing. I know sometimes hearing we're a 16 and not a 14 can crush our spirits a little- especially when we've been working out for 2 months and finally squeezed back into a smaller size.

Let me tell you some facts about wedding dresses that might put you at ease:

Wedding dresses (primarily) are a made to order business. 

Meaning, when you try on wedding dresses- that is not exactly how it's going to look on you. When you find a dress you love, it's rare that you take it off the shelf and home. Sample sizes are typically quite small or quite large. So when you find a dress that you love, you get to order it in your size and not even specifically size sometimes- but actual body measurements. (That's usually for designer or "high end" dresses).

And NORMALLY what a seller will explain to you is that it's smarter to order a size up. This is not supposed to be a blow to your ego. What happens is a normal body is not normally a size 12 straight across. You might have a size 12 hip, a size 10 waist, and a size 14 top. I mean, who knows. It could be any combination of things. (This would be on par with buying a size 16 jean and a medium size t-shirt, or something like that). 

So the smartest way to go when it comes to getting your dress fitted is to buy the size that fits you at your "biggest" and have the rest tailored to your body. 

In the long run- this creates a dress fitted specifically to YOUR body and avoids you trying to pad the top, stretch the bottom, etc.

Sizes are not exactly the same across the board.

Here's the "skinny". Dress sizes almost always depend on the designer. Some run small, some run large, some are on the dot. And mostly, the dresses run a tad small. You will most likely have to try on dresses that are a size bigger. 

Again, don't get hung up on the size. Trying on wedding dresses means mostly squeezing into small dresses and having them clip the dress to your bra, or trying on dresses too big for you and having them clamp the extra material in industrial sizes car clamps.

Sorry, I probably ruined the mystery. Whatever.

And just for budget reference, because it's heartbreaking to watch this sometimes:

Just know almost 99% of wedding dresses will need to be fitted/tailored and that roughly begins around $400-500 dollars. 

And also know any time you add beading, lace, or accessories- the price of your wedding attire goes up an insane amount.

So be careful looking at beaded dresses when you KNOW your budget is only $800 or whatever.

SO, when it came to trying on dresses- here's what happened to me.

First off I should say it's very, very important to understand certain things about you and certain things about the people in your family you would want going with you to try on dresses.

Here's what I know about myself, and it's a bit painful to admit: I am easily swayed by my family and I almost always do what they say because I think they know what's best for me. I am also incredibly sensitive despite my cavalier exterior. 

And here's what I know about my family, and it's also painful to admit: They can be very pushy and easily excited. They love to run with an idea because they are incredibly creative people and they LOVE to throw parties.

It's also good to mention that almost every woman in my family has a different dress in mind for me to wear. So it made the process a little confusing. 

I should also mention I have a lot of women in my family and going wedding dress shopping would be like 20 girls crammed in a room. (Which, 20 girls is a terrible idea. Has no one watched Say Yes to the Dress? The first thing they say is don't bring a lot of people.)

So when it came to the first "try-on", I wanted someone there who (wow, this is going to sound terrible) really doesn't care that much about my wedding.

I should soften that blow a little. What I mean to say is, she cares about my feelings about the wedding, but the actual details of the wedding doesn't blow her one way or the other. She doesn't care if the wedding is purple and in an orchard, or a black tie event at the white house. Her only concern is basically, "what do you like?"

Blake, bless her tiny black heart, ended up being the perfect person to take with me to the most stressful bridal dress appointment because her only concern was if a dress looked "right" on my body and if it didn't- get it off now.

And one other thing I loved about taking Blake was that she's very observant. After the bridal appointment we sat down to lunch and were looking through my pinterest and all of a sudden she goes, "You know what I noticed? You pick a lot of Great Gatsby sort of things."

And she was totally right. I like beads in geometric shapes. I picked things with a more laid back silhouette. I really like New Orleans in the 20's/30's.

Blake, the most cynical person I probably know, should probably be a wedding dress consultant or something. (I mean, what else you gonna do with that art degree Blake?)

For reference, at the moment I am between a 14 and 16 (finally loosing weight, yaaaaay!). Most of the dresses I tried on were 18's and had to be cinched a little, or were 14-16's and were a little tight. 

Again, it takes a lot to embarrass me and it's rare that I get too hung up on my weight or looks. So I think the sales girl was a little excited when I was like, "as long as I can get it on so I can see roughly what it looks like- I don't care what size it is."

And let me also say this about my experience- my first time trying dresses, I really didn't know what I wanted and I just really wanted to see different styles on my body so I knew what I liked at all. In terms of the beading or lace or looks of the dress- I didn't care. I was only concerned about what shape looks good on me and then I would know where to go with it.

First, I tried on something which had a full lace back and lace straps, which I liked the most, but the dress itself definitely wasn't for me. It was head to toe lace, it was covered in small beads. It was a lot to take in.

And guys, at this point- the first dress you try on will kind of knock you back for a second. It will be the first time you feel like a bride, it will be the first time you see yourself in a white ballgown (unless you were a debutante I suppose), and it's generally the first time your family will see you in the fluffy, gooey, dress.

Most people in your group will cry.

On average, most girls pick the first dress they put on. (I think it's because they get too excited and pick the first one that gives them that "feeling" but they mistake excitement for "feeling." Call me a cynic.)

Another dress I tried was an empire waisted, chiffon number and while it was not flattering at all and some would be worried it was a shotgun wedding, I loved the chiffon bottom. I loved the way the bottom moved and looked. 

So I was like, "Ok, lace top and chiffon bottom. Good to know."

Unfortunately since it's been wedding season, that particular store sold a lot of dresses in my size. So I was a tiny bit "s.o.l" on trying certain things. BUT she was very helpful in showing me options so I could at least see how the top or bottom looked on me. Very nice store, very nice lady.

So 3 or 4 dresses in, I had tried an A-line shape, empire waist, something strapless, something with a strap, a mermaid tight little number, and then the drop waist. 

The drop waist was the only thing I have a picture of for some reason.

Ironically, this was the dress that made my body look insane but I actually hated the dress the more I looked at it. 

ENJOY THE PUDGY ARMS, HATERS.

I'm probably breaking all kinds of rules showing you guys this, but whatever. I have no shame.

So the drop waist corset back made my boobs and waist look amazing.

And to be fair the beading and lace is divine, in terms of quality.

But oh my God, the longer I was thinking about it through the day, the more I hated it. And when I showed my family pictures of the dress, they all LOVED it so much as even sending me websites where I could order it or pictures online of other brides who wore it.

I know it sounds terrible, but I'm glad my family wasn't there, because I would have ended up with this dress (I mean, there are worse things in life, but COME ON.)

All in all, I think I've figured out what I wanted based on this appointment and I'm glad I did it "relatively" by myself. (Blake was there, but she was also really great about asking me how I felt in something before making her own personal comments.)

I think what I really want is to try on some more dresses in the style I think I like most, and take my family to THAT appointment- because while I enjoy my womens very much, I think they really want to be at the appointment where I actually pick the dress and they get to be a part of THAT special moment and not the other try ons where I'm sweating to death and getting very agitated.

Also, I did want to share this piece of advice given to me by my consultant:

It's good to try on dresses with different styles, but only do 5 or 6 and then stop. You don't want to get overwhelmed and have a negative experience. 

And I totally agree. I tried on I think 5 dresses at her shop and 3 more at another place and by that point I was really, really done. I think it becomes a blurry mess of dresses and by the end of it you're just sort of frustrated. 

So, bullet points:

-Try on different styles

-Narrow it down from there

-Try on only a few dresses at a time

-Take people who are willing to hear you before they give opinions (your friend who has decided you're only wearing a ball gown and nothing else needs to stay home)

-Don't get sad or discouraged, there's a million wedding dresses and a million bridal shops. You will find your dress.

-This should be fun and enjoyable, try not to get hung up on dumb things like sizes or fits.

I'm glad I tried a little of everything because now I have a more directed view on what I'm doing.

For those curious, it's more like this:

And for those extra curious: Both of these pictures are basically the same dress with a beaded or lace overlay piece. I realized this an embarrassing amount of weeks later. 

BTW, for those who are probably like, "Everyone tries a ballgown, where's the ballgown?"

Here it is and it was hilarious.

-SamanthaK

Review Time: Kinky-Curly Original Curling Custard

Review Time: Kinky-Curly Original Curling Custard

This one goes out to the curly-kids out there, who like me- spend way too much time and money on their hair.

Ok, so here's my deal lately. I'm tired of my hair in a big way, and my layers have finally grown out long enough to wear my natural hair and not look like a poodle/Shirley Temple/tornado victim. 

About a week ago (ayyyyy), I jumped out of the shower and was like, "No... I'm not blowdrying."

Which lead to this disaster because the funny story was, I had no hair products in my home meant for curls.

I had some mousse that did basically nothing, I had oils that are really only meant for finishing the style off- I basically had nothing in my arsenal except for water.

BUT THE GOOD NEWS IS: Despite me tinkering, blowdrying, stretching, pulling, re-curling with hot tools, and generally being horrible- my hair still has curl.

We all remember when I went platinum blonde and lost all my curl right?

Yeah, I make choices sometimes.

So I did a little research into the subject and the big whoop-de-do in curling products is anything pretty much named after a desert.

Curling custards, puddings, meringue, buttercreams, etc.

And a few companies have really gotten on the bandwagon- Kinky Curly, Miss Jessie's, etc.

And you've probably seen these brands floating around Target and Ulta and never gave them much thought other than, "Oh, cute packaging."

But the fact of the matter is, I think they work.

AND HERE'S MY REASONING.

There's nothing worse to a curly haired girl than stroking gel through your hair and ending up with those 90's wet, crunchy noodle curls. NOTHING. NOTHING IS WORSE, I DARE YOU TO FIND WORSE IN THE HAIR WORLD.

Save from all your hair falling out, I think crunchy wet noodle curls are pretty high up there.

But the problem with this is that curls love gel. They really do. Creams, gels, anything thicker with a hold and they just gobble that stuff right up.

So here's why I think the confectionary based products are so successful- they're a little bit of everything and a little bit of nothing.

Curls, I feel, survive under 2 settings- nothing at all and everything. 

Only beach water, or 18 products. I don't know why. I don't know how. They just do sometimes. Especially when you have lose curls. Magic, I don't know.

So here's one of my favorites so far: Kinky-Curly original Curling Custard. (Mouthful, right?)

This 8oz bottle retails at Target for right around $17, and it's gonna take you a long, long, time to get through it. This is one of those products where I flinched buying it until I used it. 

You really only need a couple of swipes, genuinely. (I'm not gonna say what this stuff looks like, but we know what it looks like right?)

Here's what they say the product will do, right from the horse's mouth:

"CURLING CUSTARD TM gives moisture and curl definition, hold and brilliant shiny hair all in one product!It reduces bulk, defines & elongates your curls helping them to 'hang' better. CURLING CUSTARD TM will bring out the natural curl or wave pattern you never knew you had!It is an advanced botanical formula made with ALL NATURAL ingredients that nourish and strengthen the hair. Utilizing the humectant properties of the Agave Nectar, CURLING CUSTARD TM will give weight to your hair, define your curls, remove frizz, provide long lasting hold and shine without ever being greasy, crunchy or drying to your hair.This high performance product is very concentrated so a little goes a long way."

A little goes a long way is really accurate.

The funny thing about this custard is that it actually feels a little like custard texture-wise.  

The smell is heavenly, like a vanilla cake, or a vanilla marshmallow.

And as for what's actually in it- that was the real surprise.

Ingredients: Botanical infusion of water, horsetail, chamomile, nettle and marshmallow, organic aloe vera juice, agave nectar extract, vitamin e, pectin, citric acid, potassium sorbate, and natural fragrance.

I'm like 99% sure this is the actual ingredient list of custard. 

And also, this may be the most natural hair product I've ever used, save from just plain old water.

And the thing I love about companies who actually care about their curly clients, is they actually include how to apply the product and for SPECIFIC hair types. 

On the tub it actually gives general directions, for thick coarse curls, and for loose wavy curls.

It's like they know me, guys.

So, knowing I have loose wavy curls, I followed the directions given: Apply to damp or wet hair, scrunch into medium sections of the hair, flip head upside down to create more body.

So far so good at this point. My hair was definitely not looking any "curlier" than normal, but the s pattern was definitely there. At this point I was sort of like, "I don't get it". Usually when I use products meant for curls, by this point my hair is shrinking up, getting curlier, etc. And that's the confusing part of this particular product- it's really there to just enhance what you got going on. It's not going to use alcohols and things to shrink up the curls. It's really just hydrating your curls and giving the structure a bit of hold with the marshmallow and agave. 

And this is why I sort of suck at reviews. I usually just pin the bangs back and go to run my errands and live my life instead of focusing on the task at hand.

BUT HERE'S WHERE IT GOT INTERESTING.

So the left is my hair on the same day I styled it. Nothing too nuts right, just messy wavy curls.

So the next day, I do what I always do to refresh my curls- I brush through with a wide tooth comb (cause I got knots and my hair will try to dread overnight. I don't know why), I spray a fine layer of water all over to dampen, and then I use a tiny bit of whatever product I had used the day before to scrunch and revive the curls. (And normally, I have to recurl a lot of areas that wont curl.)

This is what I noticed first thing- I didn't really have to brush my hair. It was soft, it wasn't all clumped together in a gross greasy way. In fact, it was barely greasy at all- which was a big surprise. 

When I sprayed and scrunched my hair, it immediately came right back to life and areas that normally won't curl (the front sections by my ears, the bangs) were wavy and actually incredibly beautiful.

Below is my hair, waking up, pre-styling. When I added water and a tiny bit of the Kinky-Curly product, it produced more volume and shine.

So, the product works. Now for the facts curly girls want to hear:

How long did it (the curl) last? 

Girl. All day, every day.

I washed my hair and styled it as shone above, and I've been wetting and scrunching without washing it for 3 days. No greasy roots. The hair felt hydrated, but fluffy. My curls came back with no additional help. No flaking or general gross looking stuff. I think by the evening of the third day, I was kind of like, "Ok, definitely time to wash" and it was mostly because my hair looked flat and not because it looked disgusting.

Is it worth the money?

Yes, and if you find you need more hydration, less hold, or vise versa there's basically a million different textured products to work with- puddings are more creamy, meringues are lighter and fluffier. Basically if you know desert textures, you will find something you like.

Did you use anything else with the product that could have "helped"?

NOPE. I washed my hair with my normal stuff (Wella Elements shampoo/conditioner), and I used no other product except water. The end.

What did your hair feel like?

Surprisingly weighted enough to hold down frizz and give my hair a thicker feel, but not greasy or crunchy, and very very soft. Touchable enough that even Roger was like, "Oh, that was a surprise".

Did you have to go through with a curling iron to "fix" spots?

No. Normally I would with other sprays and crap I've used but this genuinely pushed my waves up and into very defined but pretty beach waves. What you're seeing is just my natural texture in one of it's better states.

Obviously though, if you're wanting something curlier, or in a different shape, you might have to fix areas or try a different product. But the custard is really just going to amplify whatever you have naturally coming out of your head. If you have beach waves like me and WANT something curlier, then you might have to find something else. However, I think if you wanted something less curly, this would be a good option because it does elongate the curl a bit.

I hope this helped you curly-girls. I know finding the right stuff can be a bit of a battlefield and leave you with a very full drawer and a very empty wallet.

-SamanthaK

The Wedding Series: The Beginning

The Wedding Series: The Beginning

So it's finally happening. The wedding planning is in full swing and things are starting to come together.

(Finally.)

(Sort of.)

(Not really, but yes.)

So one of my friends and readers Rachel, (hi Rachel!) immediately upon the news of the engagement was like, "You need to write blog posts about the wedding planning".

And I won't lie, part of me was terrified because telling you guys what to do about your hair or makeup is one thing and it's another sharing intimate details about how shitty I am about planning things.

The other part of me was like, this is going to be ridiculous and hilarious.

BUT I'M NOTHING IF NOT PAINFULLY HONEST AND HILARIOUSLY SELF-DEPRECATING.

So here we go.

Let's make this post our baseline, and lets talk about the general logistics of wedding.

I think step one is to bust out the pinterest board you've been making about your wedding. (Do not lie to me and say you don't have one. We all do, married or not, boyfriend or not. It's just what we do as crazy people.)

And I think the main thing to look at when you're viewing this board is the common threads and factors.

For example:

My board is full of intimate settings, good lighting, and not a whole lot of formality.

And as for the dress, I'm a little bit across the board but I did notice a small grouping of a similar, soft dress that still had a modest feel. 

I think step two really comes down to this distinct question:

What about your wedding is the most important to you?

For some couples it's food or the venue, for others it's creating and intimate feel and making the event "fun". Sometimes it's nothing. Sometimes the wedding itself isn't as important as just being married.

Which is kind of where Roger and I landed.

We've been hmm-hawing over this wedding for a couple months now and slowly but surely the wedding we had originally intended had blown up in our faces.

Because, here's the deal. Here's what no one will tell you when you're a bride:

When you're planning a wedding, almost everyone around you becomes an asshole.

It's true. And I'm sorry. 

Your cousin that you once had a very sweet relationship with will be pissed that you didn't pick her as a bridesmaid, your husband or wives ex's will come out of the woodwork to call you all kinds of names, YOUR ex's will suddenly text you or call you to passively aggressively congratulate you, your aunties will be mad you're not doing a bigger wedding, your father will tell you you are doing TOO big of a wedding, your husband wants to invite his coworkers which takes your originally 40 person wedding up into the 80's.

And I don't think people try to be rude intentionally. Wedding planning is a bit of a minefield of feelings and you do your best not to step on too many toes. Everyone has ideas of what they think you should be doing or what you want and they will be wrong- horribly, painfully, wrong. 

So the wedding that Roger and I had put together at the start soon turned into a bit of a monster. There were suddenly a lot of flowers, and a dance floor, and chandeliers, and a Cinderella stage coach- and really all these things we thought we had to include because everyone was so insistent on it. 

But, here's our "dirty" secret. Roger and I are paying for this wedding, and when we finally did the tallies- it was almost a 100 person wedding with almost $7k of decor.

There was just no way. There wasn't. And it wasn't a matter of "we can't afford these things", it was "I didn't even want these things to begin with and now everyone's getting a fancy party at my expense?"

I gave myself an eye twitch and started to obsess about it to the point that Roger (bless his level-headed soul) finally had to stop me and say, "What do you really want?"

When it really came down to it, neither one of us cared about the wedding that much. There were things we'd like to have- games, good food, fun atmosphere, but when push came to shove we were more invested in our marriage together AFTER the wedding. 

Weddings have spiraled into a stress inducing, family splitting event in the last few decades. What was once a small ceremony and cake has turned into a $30k Frankenstein monster, and it gives brides a complex.

Am I doing enough? Am I pretty enough? Are people going to remember this day?

And that just isn't important. What's important is to exchange vows, and make a promise to another human being that MEANS something. It's not the wedding you remember, it's the beginning of your marriage.

Sometimes brides are afraid to put their foot down because they think they're being bride-zillas. 

And let me tell you right now, it is ok to ask for what you want. 

So we struck a compromise.

We were going back to the small, intimate party we had originally intended AND we are moving it to the backyard.

And I know you guys are like, "Are you serious right now?"

But here's the pro's to doing it old-school:

-The cost is significantly lower.

You're renting tables and chairs, and you're buying food. The end.

And honestly, any money you have left from the wedding is honeymoon money in my opinion.

-Family members will actually be able to help.

Many members of the family will offer an engaged couple their "help"- whether it's tying 50 bows onto chairs or setting up tables. Sometimes when we throw big weddings, a lot of things are included in the price we pay- set ups, clean ups, wedding favors, etc, and it leaves a lot of family feeling "left out" and they will begin to call the bride incessantly to "help with something" and instead drive her crazy.

Or maybe this is just my family, who knows.

But honestly, if they offer help- they really want to do it. They just want to feel like they aided you in the marriage one way or another. If they're crafty- maybe have them put together a photo booth, or if they are good cooks, maybe have them help you pick out a wedding cake. There's a role for everyone.

*Bridal tip: Don't exclude the groom's side. Sometimes they don't know you well enough to ask to help, but it's important to include them on something. They're going to be your family too and it's a good plan to get them in on the action. 

If your family is anything like my family- if you don't include them on the helping, they will be brats. Just sayin.

-Any work you put into the "venue" aka your house, you can reap the benefits on for years.

This was a main reason Roger and I wanted to move the party home. We can actually use the "wedding budget" on fixing up the house for our guests. And any lights or decor we buy, we can use again. The plan is lots of lights, lanterns on shepherds hooks, and really putting some time into the landscaping.

-Your wedding memories are your home memories.

Every picture you take will include your home. Every time you walk around your house, you'll remember exactly where you exchanged vows. 

Maybe I'm sentimental, but this particular "pro" gave me butterflies. Roger and I don't plan on moving and we're establishing roots here. How cool will it be to tell our kids how they're standing where we got married?

And for an alternate option:

When my aunt got married, she went to Hawaii with a very small group of family members and did the ceremony there- THEN came home and had the reception a few weeks later in her parent's backyard.

You could always elope or be married somewhere more private that has meaning to you both as a couple and then throw the party later. (This is an idea I'm still toying with. Can you do a wedding in Disneyland without getting busted? Anyone know? Anyone? Bueller?) 

So for the beginning of your wedding planning- look through your pinterest or magazines or whatever you kids use these days and figure out what your vibe is and then ask yourself what's the most important thing about a wedding to you. (The answer may surprise you).

Everything from there will just fall into place- even setting a date.

-SamanthaK