Golden Globes 2015: Praises and Rants

Golden Globes 2015: Praises and Rants (aka the time I slowed down your computer with pics)


*sips coffee, starts music*

Ok, let's dish.

Where do I even start?

First of all, did my blog get passed around Hollywood or something?

 I swear, everyone was like, "Hey, remember that girls' rant from last year? Let's all give a retro throwback and finally dress like we're actually going to a prestigious awards show that spends a billion dollars just to honor us and give us free food."

I'm so impressed this year, I didn't even really know where to start. It took me awhile just to gather pictures up and sort our my thoughts!

First of all, let me nod to the vixens in the mix.

Laura Prepon, you are a gothic goddess. Your upclose makeup is divine and that dress is doing everything right.

And JESSICA CHASTAIN, the suprise of the evening in the bronze gathered dress. I can't even. The red retro waves. Fskgfoisdhfgijhbasflkwand'flkasnfas, brain explosion. She, funny enough, wasn't even on my radar until now. That bitch needs a closer eye!

And then the big trend was a sea of red and one of my favorite retro trends- matching lipstick to your dress.

I realize it became very out of fashion to match your shit together. In the 50's, it was a faux-pas to not match you nails, lips and dress and frankly I KIND OF MISS THAT ATTENTION TO DETAIL. I'm very happy it's coming back- and in a big, red way no less!

(And side discussion, I am so happy it was primarily more mature actresses that went with the red trend. Like, who better to wear a red dress than Helen Mirren and Jessica Lange. Like, don't they just look like they descend staircases in plantation houses every day of their lives?)

And then, like small glimmers- there was a little trickle of white.

And sweet Jesus, was it good.

Like, ok, normally I would be giving beef over Emily Blunts braids and messier hair but with the Grecian (Michael Kors no less) dress, it was like a little beacon of light from the heavens and birds helped her put on those (FREAKING AMAZING) earrings, and a small deer helped her pick her shoes. 

I don't even, perfection. Just perfection.

And Kate Hudson's body is so amazing I'm not surprised she went for a showier dress. (I'd go to a show naked if I had a bod like that. True facts. I'd burn all my clothes in a bon-fire.)

AND THEN, silver- and silver in the most amazing way.

Sequins and shimmers and mattes, and rhinestones galore. I just. Wow, what a cool color to pick for this.

My favorite would probably be Krugers' matte shimmer which is so cool and interesting. ALTHOUGH JULIANNE MOORE IN THAT CUSTOM GIVENCHY RIGHT?! 

For the record though, I am on the fence about J-Lo. Like, obviously girls' got a rockin' bod and she's cultivated a look for herself over the past 80 years. (I imagine sometimes there's a portrait of J-Lo aging somewhere for her in someone's basement while she roams the earth forever as an attractive woman) but GIRL, THAT LOOK IS TIRED. 

The big trend of the year though was definitely shimmer.
There were rhinestones and glimmer a plenty. There were mattes and metallics galoorrreee.

You want shine? THERE WERE LIKE, 20.

And usually first-times or celebrities who haven't lost their excitement for awards season yet wear color.

Felicity Jones in teal Dior though, suuuuuper fly. I mean, maybe the cut wasn't the most flattering, but it was so very elegant. (And matching eyeshadow! Ah! Love!)

And then small addition here:

I love that Lorde did this weird Madonna-esque, 90's crop top suit thing.

Normally I would be spitting fire, but I actually sort of fell in love with this. No explanation necessary.

And then fucking Lupita Nyong'o came out in a purple blaze and left FIRE ON THE CARPET.

That girl is so on it, I can't even keep up. I love her in her natural hair with that stunning makeup (which I will get to later) and that stunner dress (which oddly enough everyone predicted Felicity Jones (left) to wear). Lupita just makes my heart sing.

And now for some dress rants.

 What the ever living fuck.
(Sorry Mom, I couldn't help it)

FIRST OF ALL, WHO CHOSE THIS LENGTH. ZAC POSEN, I KNOW YOU DID LENA DUNHAMS DRESS. I AM SHAKING A FINGER AT YOU.

This whole cut up the front thing is so unattractive, especially on Kerry Washington. I mean, the top of that dress isn't doing too many favors either, but why cut it at the ankles? WHY.

And Lena Dunham, I mean, that girls makeup is so fly and you can tell she was really trying hard this year but ZAC POSEN, WHY WOULD YOU LET HER LEAVE IN THIS ONE? What kind of girlfriend are you?! Rule one, never let a girl leave in a dress you designed lookin' like that. It makes you look bad! Zac Posen, shame on you. You should know better, you had like 10 girls in your dresses- get your shit together.

 AND THEN WTF KIERA KNIGHTLY. Your Chanel makeup is flawless, but WHO LET YOU LEAVE IN THIS. I realize you are pregnant, and this is also vintage Chanel, BUT COME ON. THAT IS HIDEOUS. And the matching hand piece and hair piece. f;klasfjgliksjghljhserrglawkgjhlsdfkjdgh

Excuse me while I cool off...


Claire Danes, I know you normally are a little wild with your fashion, but this is a matronly disaster and DON'T THINK YOU'RE FOOLING ANYONE WITH THE CLEAVAGE. THIS DRESS IS NOT SEXY. Damn girl. Lookin' like you're wearing a meemaw dress that you cut open.

And now, allow me to turn my rant onto George Clooney's new wife- Amal.

This is a smart woman, like crazy smart. And she's married to, oh I don't know, one of the richest and most influental men ever.

AND SHE WORE THOSE FUCKING GLOVES.

Urgh, God. Look man, I love women who try to bring something back and opera gloves were a good choice but here's how bringing something back works-

YOU HAVE TO NAIL IT, OTHERWISE PEOPLE THINK IT'S DUMB AND THE TREND WILL LIVE AND DIE ONLY WITH YOU.

This is bullshit.

I want opera gloves, or just gloves in general to make a comeback BUT THESE LUMPY OVERSIZED DISASTERS RUINED IT FOR EVERYONE.

And, while I'm on fire here- WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOUR HAIR. That looks like the grease ball disaster situation from last year! Don't you read my blog Amal? Did the other girls not pass my words of wisdom along?

Your makeup and dress are so fly and YET YOU RUINED ALL THAT HARD WORK.

GREAT DISAPPOINT.


BUT, there was a saving grace at the Golden Globes- there were so very few makeups I did not like.

Here's some of my favorites.

Smokey eyes, super classic.

 Perfection skin.

Small flushes of color.

 Stunning, not overdone eyes.

Light berry lips.

Laura Prepon making me super happy (except for those 90's eyebrows but I can't get on that rant- it'll last forever).

 I just loved that everything wasn't TOO overdone or on the flip-side too light. Everyone had a little something going on. Even the splashes of color like on Lupita or Felicity Jones weren't super bold.

And good Lord, can we just appreciate Lupita Nyong'o for like a brief moment. That women is a national treasure. Her skin is so flawless, her makeup is so subtle but sooooo pretty. She's such a breath of fresh air for me. In a sea of similar colors she always sticks out (in a good way) and separates herself. I hope Hollywood doesn't crush her, genuinely. I want her to be happy all the time. I just want good things for her.


But like anything in the world, there were a few times I was very upset.

And here's my very small rant.

Again, Guiliana Ranic? Again with this nude lip? Really bitch?

I will say this, at least her tan is slightly better. It's not nearly as orange-y as usual.

BUT THAT CONTOUR, GIRL. YOU ONLY WEIGH 4 POUNDS, STOP CONTOURING.

At least her nude lip has the tiniest bit of pink so it doesn't look exactly like her tan and therefore giving her no mouth in the slightest.

BUT HERE'S WHERE MY BEEF LIES.

She posted this picture earlier saying she was getting ready for the Globes and I was fucking pumped. That picture is amazing. Her dark lip, the sideswept hair. I just. IT'S SO GOOD. And then she shows up in the nude lip and the bullshit loose waves everyone else did and I just lost it.

DON'T BE A TEASE.

She literally has 800 commercial breaks and I'm assuming someone on staff who's job is literally to reapply lipstick and powder away the shine- why did she not go for the bold lip? Why won't you just make me happy, G? Why?

And speaking of weird ass tans.

I felt like a LOT of people got tans for the event and didn't rinse it off after. There was a sea of orange tans. It was kind of insane. I know sometimes the photographers use filters or yellow lights because it usually is more flattering but this is definitely a tanning issue. 

And to make matters worse, I don't know who was in charge of the A/C at the event, but EVERYONE was sweating like crazy. I mean it was insane. At one point Kristin Wiig looked like she was melting on stage and when it panned to the audience, she wasn't the only one. EVERYONE was sweating and that's when the tans became super obvious. It was kind of that "oh shit" moment.

People, get the tan the day before and rinse off the morning of. Tanning 101 here.




But really, with all the dresses and makeup and hair looks, it was kind of the height of glamour for me personally. It felt like everyone looked like the best and most amazing version of themselves. It wasn't too trendy or crazy, it wasn't too messy (like last year, wtf) and even though mostly everyone did a version of the messy wave hair, it still felt SO intentional.

Although, the Hollywood waves guys- I hope that becomes a thing. I want that all the time for everyone always forever.


So to sum it all up:

Retro trends for hair and makeup.

Silver, red, and rhinestones all day every day.

Wear head to toe butterflies if you want to get made fun of (by me).


If you missed the Globes, they are replaying today and of course you can catch all the dress action online. Or if you are like me, you're gonna watch Fashion Police and yell at Guiliana Rancic wearing nude lipstick for the billionth time.

-SamanthaK